Welcome to the first installment in LWM's Pretentious Places series. Some places have turned up the importance just a little too far, and I'm here to take them down a peg or two.
Beaumont, what the hell? You couldn't fit any more vowels in your name? I don't understand why you're so much better than the rest of us that you have to come up with a completely convoluted way of spelling your name.
First of all, you're in Texas. You're in fucking Texas. Excessive vowelage doesn't change that fact, and anybody who can hold back the vomit long enough to get to the little comma and "TX" after your name will realize this.
Beaumont is the walking-around-talking-loudly-on-her-cell-phone-while-drinking-a-Starbucks-coffee-and-trying-not-to-get-poor-people-germs-on-her-fancy-shoes of cities. I bet you like it when lesser cities jump out of the way of your Range Rover.
Kiss my dick, Beaumont. I know you had to finance that extra U at a ridiculous rate just so everyone would think you're cool. I don't even want to mention what (who) you did to get that A. That whole E-A-U thing you have going on, there's no way that's real. You may make other cities feel bad because of how you are on the outside, but I know deep down you're a worthless piece of shit.
I'm sick of cities living beyond their means, and Beaumont is a classic fucking example. Once again, you're in TEXAS. The name of your city should really be B'mont. Oh, but that breaks the apostrophe rule, doesn't it? Bomont it is, then.
We've talked about reaching for the stars, and how you shouldn't do it. Beaumont clearly didn't get the memo. You're dead to me, Beaumont.
Beaumont, what the hell? You couldn't fit any more vowels in your name? I don't understand why you're so much better than the rest of us that you have to come up with a completely convoluted way of spelling your name.
First of all, you're in Texas. You're in fucking Texas. Excessive vowelage doesn't change that fact, and anybody who can hold back the vomit long enough to get to the little comma and "TX" after your name will realize this.
Beaumont is the walking-around-talking-loudly-on-her-cell-phone-while-drinking-a-Starbucks-coffee-and-trying-not-to-get-poor-people-germs-on-her-fancy-shoes of cities. I bet you like it when lesser cities jump out of the way of your Range Rover.
Kiss my dick, Beaumont. I know you had to finance that extra U at a ridiculous rate just so everyone would think you're cool. I don't even want to mention what (who) you did to get that A. That whole E-A-U thing you have going on, there's no way that's real. You may make other cities feel bad because of how you are on the outside, but I know deep down you're a worthless piece of shit.
I'm sick of cities living beyond their means, and Beaumont is a classic fucking example. Once again, you're in TEXAS. The name of your city should really be B'mont. Oh, but that breaks the apostrophe rule, doesn't it? Bomont it is, then.
We've talked about reaching for the stars, and how you shouldn't do it. Beaumont clearly didn't get the memo. You're dead to me, Beaumont.
12 comments:
You are a funny guy LWM .
"You're dead to me, Beaumont" Love it!!!!
Shoulda finished my post. Phoenix is in serious need of a LWM smack in the nuts.
Oh my glory, you are one funny fuck. Thanks for following my blog. I'm following you too. Oh, that sounds spooky. Ne-ways I'm going to look around your blog.
Oh, scratch my last comment. I'm high on flu meds. I meant to say thanks for leaving me a comment on my blog. Not following it, although you fucking should follow my blog.
Er... not knowing the first thing about the town of Beaumont, TX, but is it possible it had a French founder or something? Hence the excessive vowellage?
Hahahahaha, being a native Texan who grew up close to Beaumont I feel compelled to not only stick up for my awesome state, but let you know that honestly...Beaumont sucks. You need a better Texas city. I recommend Austin.
You're a dumb ass.
I dont give a fuck how Beaumont spells its name. I am glad I moved to Austin and would have ran myself over with my own car if I were still in Beaumont. Its a huge orgy (notice the Enterprise article on rising STDs.)
Well done.. You should consider networking with the moms in the bizymoms Beaumont community.
born there, but i got out as fast as i could.........
Hang on. Beaumont has a KING. BISD and Beaumonts Ruler King Thomas. Maybe it is just me having a nightmare.
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