Since there are one or two new people who have started reading this blog in the last month, if you're not familiar with my experience at Carrabba's, I suggest you first read that entry before you continue, oh yeah and also this.
For the rest of you, we have done it, loyal readers. We've brought the mighty Carrabba's to its knees. Oh, that's right, just read this:
You know, ok, now I'm reading this and it really doesn't seem that Carrabba's is A. on their knees, or B. my bitch. What the fuck? Is that really all I get? A blanket fucking apology and vague promises of possibly some sort of discount on my next visit (which they will surely forget about). That's bullshit.
I'm not sure what I expected, maybe something like this:
For the rest of you, we have done it, loyal readers. We've brought the mighty Carrabba's to its knees. Oh, that's right, just read this:
Dear Ryan,See that shit? Game over, Carrabba's. You are my bitch.
Thank you for taking the time to inform us about your recent experience at Carrabba’s. I’m very sorry that we did not live up to our high standards. We strive to give the very best service to all of our guests no matter what time of the day it is. I hope you can accept our apology and give Carrabba’s another try in the future. Please let us know when you are here so we can make sure your dining experience is wonderful. Again, I am very sorry and I hope to see you soon.
Sincerely,
Lauri ********
Owner
Carrabba's Italian Grill
1701 Crossroads Dr.
Grapevine, Texas 76051
You know, ok, now I'm reading this and it really doesn't seem that Carrabba's is A. on their knees, or B. my bitch. What the fuck? Is that really all I get? A blanket fucking apology and vague promises of possibly some sort of discount on my next visit (which they will surely forget about). That's bullshit.
I'm not sure what I expected, maybe something like this:
Dear Ryan (King of Brilliance, Wit, and all things Delicious),Really, like that's so much to ask, Carrabba's? Well, guess what? It's still on: Fuck you, Carrabba's.
OH. MY. GOD. Are you serious? I can't believe that shit, and I totally know who was working that night. Oh when I get my hands on Gina I'm gonna cut a bitch. I am SO sorry, my lord. I wish I could convey to you how distraught I am over this whole thing, however the webcam is busted right now. Suffice to say, I am in tears. I'm shakily holding the knife to my wrists right now. Ryan, how could I let this happen to you? I certainly hope your bad date at my restaurant didn't lead to the end of what seems to be an already precarious relationship. Please let me know. If it did I will arrange to deliver to your home many sexy bitches until your needs and desires are fulfilled.
I am going to give you my home phone, cell phone, pager, work phone, and home address. Please let me know next time you would like to go to Carrabba's. After hours is fine, we will open up for you. I will pick you up personally and drive you to dinner, at which point you will be seated in your own personal booth and showered in mozzarella sticks and blow jobs. All drinks will be on the house, of course, and when you're ready for us to pour champagne over your body, you just say the word.
I hope that we can make your second trip to Carrabba's a great experience and make up for the first. My first-born child is already packing her shit up, and I will be selling her into slavery to finance the lifetime supply of gift cards that of course you will receive.
Sincerely,
Lauri ********
12 comments:
Wow, they really went all out in the deeply apologetic department.
I've had better apologies from tire shops. Gotta love where customer service has gone these past several years. Oh well, the economic melt down will weed out a bit of that. Real people who actually like people may take another run at the service industry.
"...showered in mozzarella sticks and blow jobs." XD Amazing.
Mozzarella Sticks AND blowjobs? I didn't know this Carrabba's thing was going to kill you, because THAT, my friend, is what Heaven is supposed to be, according to the Bible I just made up.
"And when you're ready for us to pour champagne over your body, you just say the word." If there's anything that signifies victory (and a big fuck you to Carrabbas) it's having expensive carbonated alcohol poured all over you.
Bring on the booze!
You know if you go in there and say, "Hey, I'm Ryan, I wrote you that letter ~ now bring on my wonderful dining experience," there are going to be all sorts of wonderful and special flavors added to your food. I guess that's sort of like being showered with blow jobs...sort of.
You gotta learn not to fuck with Jesuses and Carrabba'ses. The chicken bryan is pretty good regardless of the shitty service.
Honestly, would you even ever want to raise one of those guys bastard children?
Not me. No way.
Haha, love it. Next time you go, if there is a next time, try to get the same waitress. When she is prematurely clearing your table, as I am almost certain she will still do, trip her as she walks away with a tray full of glasses and half eaten spaghetti.
Yeah, Jessica is right. DO NOT show then the letter!
"I'm sorry we didn't live up to your high standards"? Whoa. Little passive-aggressive there Lauri******. I feel as if she is implying that your standards are unnaturaly high. You should write another letter.
I'm with powdergirl. And in keeping with the tire shop theme, I think they deserve a steaming platter of Mozzarella Sticks thrown right through their front window ala Discount tire commercial, circa late 90s. Do they realize who they're messing with????
Obviously NOT!
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