Thanks, Pete

Never a society content to leave personal responsibility up to the people, we have reached a whole new level of ridiculous.

The economy is in the shitter, or so they tell me. We've decided to go ahead and start a few wars. We still can't figure out how to make our education system not suck. What all is fucked up? You name it, we've fucked it up.

But Congressman Pete King of New York is doing the people's work. War? Economic recession? Poverty? Education? Housing crisis? What? Fuck that. We have cell-phone ninjas out there taking pictures of unsuspecting victims, and that shit needs to stop.

Mr. King has introduced legislation to require modifications to cell phones such that they cannot be used as ninja weapons:

One year after the passage of the Alert Act, all mobiles with cameras made in the United States must emit a "tone or other sound audible within a reasonable radius of the phone." And the legislation would forbid manufacturers to program an option that would allow consumers to disable the noise.

You have to be kidding, right? I think Ars Technica hit this fucker on the head:

As for politicians and parents who are worried about surreptitious cell phone camera users lurking around in dressing rooms and parks, they might want to, well, watch their children. Just a thought.

Since we seem to have found the solution to some of our problems, I'd like to suggest a few other ideas that may be helpful:

• Red-Light Douche Bag Camera. This little fella will go around looking like a regular old red-light camera, but really it's armed with missiles, ready to fire if it observes unacceptable behaviors. Popped collars, a Jesus fish, a sideways hat, and spinners will be among those on the list of things for which death-by-missile is the punishment. Freedom of expression can go fuck itself; these people don't know how to act.
• IQ Technology Exams. This one is pretty straightforward. All citizens are required to achieve an adequate score on an IQ test before they are allowed to touch computers, cars, phones, fax machines, lawn mowers, stereos...the list goes on. People do stupid shit all the time, and the rest of us are left to clean up the mess. "I didn't do anything to that spreadsheet, it just stopped working..." Fuck you, incompetent coworker. Congress is coming for you.
  
• Tubby Tina Monitoring System (TTMS). This will be implanted in all new infants born in the US, and will monitor their BMI for acceptable levels. If one should exceed the maximum level (as, of course, defined by the government), the device will instantly kill them. Clearly, people can't be trusted to watch their weight.
  

If you don't live in Mr. King's district, then write your representative, people. Tell them about the simple solutions to what the media are calling "complex" problems. Give me a fucking break. Cell phone click = world peace. Duh.