Get your grubby little mitts off me, people. I don't understand this pandemic huggery that has taken over our supposedly developed society. Irritatingly enough, there are two very distinct parts of the hug that need to stop.The first thing is that you're hugging me at all. Stop it. It's like I went to sleep and when I woke up everybody's hug meter had gone bat shit. Don't you people have any grasp anymore of when hugs are appropriate? I'll give you a little piece of guiding wisdom: not nearly as often as you think.
At this point it wouldn't surprise me if Fatty McWalgreens waddled out from behind the counter to hug me goodbye after I paid for my toothpaste. I'm on to you, bitch, and I can outrun you. What really gripes my ass are the ones that I can't outrun. The people who think that because we shared a laugh we might as well share a hug. Who do you think you are? Kristy McNichol? Her hugdar has clearly been on the fritz for a long time, but let's face it, who is going to turn down a hug from the McNich?
If I can (through much therapy) learn to deal with your ridiculous hugularity, it's really the second part that I can't fucking stand. You go in for the hug, and I take one step back. Or, maybe I fire back with the handshake intercept. Or maybe, if I'm really tired, I'll do the, "ew ew ew, this needs to end," half-assed lean-in-but-don't-really-hug hug.
So what do you people do? You get pissed. You get bitchy and moany because I don't want to wrap my fucking arms around you in warm embrace. We've established that you've lost all measure of sanity when it comes to invading my personal space. But why is it SO fucking hard to understand that maybe, juuuuust maybe I'm not into that? Why, people, why?
How can you rationalize being pissy because I don't want you to thrust yourself into my carefully-guarded bubble? My hope is that you would learn from this experience, and maybe not inflict so many hugs on other people. I'm a realist, though, and I know that you're just going to collect yourself, fight back the tears, and call me a rude cock sucker as you hurriedly shuffle away.
Well, guess what? This is life. This isn't My Hugtastic Adventure.
11 comments:
Maybe this happens other places too, but on my campus these morons stand around with signs that say "free hugs." No, I do NOT want a hug.ASS.
This problem is pandemic and has worked it's way into the male population and now I am being forced to hug people I would never have before because they suck and the hugging just proves it.
Hugs are catching. If one person in a room starts hugging people, then other people start copying that one person.
It's scary.
I really don't get what happened to a good old fashioned handshake. When did that stop being good enough? If you're not related to me or dating me, please don't hug me.
I even get extremely upset when people bump into me completely accidentally. I glare, mutter things, mention the whorishness of their mothers. I honestly do not know what would happen if a stranger attempted to embrace me.
Beautifully said, LWM, Bravo.
I like hugs. That is, when I know the people giving the hugs VERY WELL and they're not minging.
There's nothing more disgusting than meeting an acquintance on the street and they want to hug you. And they're fat and sweaty and they smell (after you hug a smelly person, that smell just lingers until you get to bolt for the shower)... Especially if they're guys and have a tendency to get a little too excited.........
"free hugs"? Why are you touching me? ew. back in ur box!
Not a fan of the hug? How about a mouth hug?
I'm sorry, that was completely inappropriate.
Free hugs! How bout we all join up and do a national day of free kicks to the baby maker?
Anyone?
Hugging freaks me out but I can usually sidestep it. Worse than hugging...close talkers. I'm standing somewhere all innocent and all of the sudden HOLY SHIT! I have a new super best friend. And then they get all offended when I tell them that they're kind of close...kind of crowding me a little bit...I've recently taken to lying and telling people I have severe claustrophobia and everybody needs to just stand the fuck back.
Also...your blog makes me swear. In public. Don't tell anyone I was here.
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