We all have them, these dysfunctional relationships. There's the awkwardness, the anxiety of what may or may not happen. You're constantly second guessing yourself and wondering if you should call or wait for them to call. Then it happens, the calls. Calling early in the morning, late at night, several times a day. Give me a fucking break. I don't want to talk to you.
So why is it that Bank of America can't get it through their head that our relationship should remain professional? Why the shit are they always calling me at odd hours just to see how I'm doing? What the fuck? I don't care how BofA is doing. Don't get me wrong, I've had my moments, but seriously I've moved on.
"We've seen an escalation in identity theft and we just want to make sure you're ok." See, this is exactly why I tried to break off contact with you, BofA. I'm a big boy, I don't need you mothering me all the time. You were always too possessive and clingy, and I can't stand that you feel you need to worry about me.
I'm about to go all Bill O'Reilly on your ass:
Is this really what these fucking banks are up to? Shouldn't they be worried about other stuff, like I don't know, the economic meltdown or something? Calling me one time to see if shit is ok, that's fine, but why do they just go on these calling binges for weeks at a time, calling you multiple times a day at odd hours? Eventually I get so sick of hearing the phone ring and seeing that number that I answer it and they're actually surprised to find out I'm a grumpy bitch when I realize why they're calling.
I swear to Kristy McNichol, between American Express, WaMu, and BofA I'm losing my fucking mind.
6 comments:
Bill O'reilly shoulda been dealing with the effing tourists in Vegas weekend last. He'd welcome a dysfunctional teleprompter dude.
Your Kristy McNichol bit is enjoyable. I will return.
Maybe Kristy McNichol should be in charge of this shit. Let her handle our nations banking. She'd do a damn fine job.
Make like a lawyer,
Hit them with a fee every time they call to consult you on how their service is measuring up.
LWM, "Service Consultant." retained at great cost by BofA.
And worth every penny.
I have just started reading your blog and... well it is one helluvah interesting read. I will be returning.
It's not my bank I have this problem with, they could give a shit about me. But I was rather uncomfortable when it became clear that Netflix seems to be under the impression that we're dating. When they had a screw-up with their shipping, I got a couple of overly apologetic emails expressing how regretful they were and how they only wanted to delight me.
No, really. They said that. I just want some fucking dvds, ok? I'll get my "delight" elsewhere. I promise.
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