F you dude

People, what the fuck? Act your age. How is it that I can encounter supposedly grown, mature adults out in the world who talk like they're fucking ten years old? You know who I'm talking about. The people who say "F you, you a-hole!" WHAT THE FUCK?

My favorite part is how these people seem to have some sort of smug superiority in their lack of for-real swearing. It's like, "F you, dude, I'm better than you because I'm mature and restrained enough to not say the f-word. I'm civilized and cultured so I don't have to say such vulgar things, and I won't be lowered to your f'ing level." Pull the fucking stick out of your sad little ass and get on board with how the rest of us roll.

This leads into this whole proper language at work thing, as well. In a continuing theme of the removal of all personal responsibility, I like how companies have decided for us what is appropriate language at work. God forbid we should all take it upon ourselves to maintain appropriate conduct and professionalism. Instead of the fat chick down the hall getting pissy and telling me that it offends her when I call people cunts, she gets to run to HR and file a complaint because I broke a rule. Fuck that and fuck you, Two Tons of Tina.

To all you people out there who can't bring yourselves to use profanity for real, I have two things to say. First of all, grow the fuck up. Secondly, don't use your little pretend versions of profanity on me, because quite frankly I swear enough for the both of us. In fact, I think I swear enough for a whole group of us. So instead of butchering a lovely set of profane words that we all love, put on your big boy pants and shit or get off the pot.