You know, nothing warms the cockles of my heart after a night of sex and canoodling like the feeling I get from battling you retarded people all the way across this godforsaken city in horrible traffic. A trip from basically one end of the DFW metroplex to the other is a horrible experience under the best of circumstances, but you people always manage to find a way to make it just slightly less bearable.
Apparently nobody told Texas people about rain, and about the things that can happen when you continue driving like a stupid Texan in your stupid truck when the roads are wet. I know everybody bitches about the way people drive in weather, but I have never seen such a thing. In a 20-mile drive, on all highways mind you, traffic ground to a halt SEVEN fucking times to merge down to one lane for some idiot who couldn't differentiate between the road and the concrete barrier. Give me a fucking break. This lovely drive took me a solid two hours. You know what? Slow the fuck down and you won't hit shit in the rain.
Here's what really gripes my ass, though. Traffic slows down to like 0.4 MPH for ten miles and then when we finally get to where the collision is, we realize that it was some douche bag who rear-ended some other douche bag. No big deal, right? Well, no, it's not a big deal unless you decide to stop your vehicles right there in the middle lane of traffic to exchange information. Are you fucking serious? I'm sorry, getting hit sucks but you're just selfishly fucking with the rest of us by doing that. They have shoulders for just such an occasion, so move your little shit wagons over to the right and out of our way.
And why are you guys always standing there on your cell phones with your hand on your cheek with this totally panicked look on your face? Get over it. Kindly move your vehicle to the side of the road, exchange information, call the police if things get to that point, and be on your way. The world doesn't have to come to a screeching halt because somebody dinged your Kia. Fuck you, melodramatic Texas driver.
10 comments:
What do you mean "You people"?? LoL. I hate Dallas traffic. That's why I don't like coming home. Denver isn't so much better though so... yeah.
I'm not sure getting rear-ended make you a douchebag. I'm no scientist but I'm pretty sure the chances of that are 50/50 at best. (I'm taking into account that the person who was rear-ended lives in Texas)
I've been to Texas all of once in my life. I'm Canadian and I'm an off-road driver. They actually shut the high-ways DOWN due to road conditions.
I looked outside as the lone snowflake fell to the ground and my taxi to the bar pulled away with a little terrified wave and shrug. WTF.
They should come over here to Scotland and then they'll learn to drive in the rain. That or walk. Those are the only options.
Pre.cisely why I don't live in the city.
How anyone thinks that many damn people with that many damn cars.....
It's just craziness.
Ha! Ha! You love life.
Where did you live before Texas?
It's those losery rubbernecking cocksuckers who slow down to observe the damage who cause these kinds of bullshit delays.
I'm from Florida, and while it may be called the Sunshine State, it's raining here more often than not, so I am totally with you on this. It also doesn't help that it rains here all the time AND we're overpopulated with old people. It's like the perfect storm of traffic douchebaggery.
Solidarity, brother.
Well now.....I'm a Texan living...er, staying in the SF Bay Area. Nobody LIVES here. Here's the 411 here: everyone has 3 fucking vehicles and at least 2 of them are on the roads at one time. They must have a schedule and an alarm clock so they can drive in shifts! Which brings me to the word DRIVE.
Most of the people here are from some country other than a country that has motorized vehicles as the main mode of transportation. I'm imagining teams of yoked oxen, camels and bicycles if they are rich. My point is, last year these same people who are whizzing by you on I-580 in their Lexus, had never actually seen a car, much less driven one. Try THAT 24/7 and you have driving in the Bay Area. Give me the wide open spaces of Texas any day.
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