You know what I never run out the need for? A used gravy boat for the low, low price of $1.50. What is the deal with the garage sales, people? I'm all for recycling and giving used shit a second chance at life, but get over yourselves.
There should only be two classes of shit that you are getting rid of. The first is like a really great TV that you just don't need, or maybe a nearly-new washer/dryer set that doesn't fit in your new house, maybe that Bowflex that you spent four thousand dollars on and used twice. That's all fine and good, but you know what? Don't roll your fucking crap out on the driveway and try to sell it to random passers by. That's bullshit. That's what Craigslist is for, list it and sell it. This only applies for decent stuff, or sometimes just crap if the crap has potential to be up-traded for slightly better crap.
The second class of items is just all the fucking shit that you find around your house that you don't want anymore. Half-used crayon? Hell yes, I mean at three cents it's a fucking steal. How about one dollar each for three pieces of a four-piece wine glass set? How can you pass that up? Half a ream of paper? Suuuure. Just throw all your shit out there in ratty boxes and stupid prices on it. Some dumb son of a bitch will surely buy it eventually.
People, you're just being greedy little bitches. Take your shit to Goodwill or something. THOSE people need half crayons and three wine glasses. To prolong the fun, consider just backing your loud, ugly, bloated, greedy American SUV up to your loud, ugly, bloated, greedy house and load all that shit in the back (you paid premium for those fold-down seats for a reason, right?). Then drive around town randomly chucking your lightly used (but clearly no longer good enough for you) shit at people napping on benches or asking for money at an underpass. Sure, they want a couple bucks to buy beer, but let's face it a germ-infested teddy bear with one leg and no eyes will be just as appreciated.
Oh, and trade in your gross American SUV:
6 comments:
I want them to wash my car. And then accept payment for washing my car in the form of half used crayons.
Ahh thanks for the sexy sumo wrestlers. My day is never complete without a good laugh.
I never have garage sales btw, because that would allow my neighbors a look into my private life that I am just not willing to give them. Plus, I don't want people to know I used to collect beanie babies :(
I like the ratty old cardboard boxes that are stuffed with washed margerine containers and lidless collections of old tupperware.
Will pay a premium dollar for those!
LWM, you are obviously, clearly our gauge of all things ridiculous. So, please explain to me WHY we had to see the sumo car washers. This is clearly just WRONG! Cute suits, though.
LWM- Glad I inspired. My husband just takes out good and stupid shit to the end of our driveway and puts a piece of yellow pad on it flapping in the wind stating "Free, Works". It is gone in a couple of hours no mater how insipid the item. Teri
The best is when they're selling something they still obviously want so they mark it up to ridiculous prices hoping no one will take it.
$20 for this old pair of jeans with a stain on them? Oh, you lost your virginity in them? Alright you gross fuck, good luck with that.
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