Well, I don't even really know what to say, except that I couldn't be happier. Chuck Norris has decided that the US is so surely going into the crapper that Texas will eventually secede and become its own country. I say go for it, Texas. Even better than this is that he wants to run for president of Texas. Fuck yeah.
Being both a resident and hater of Texas, the thought of Texas no longer being part of the states makes me giddy inside. I'm also pretty excited about the fact that as a resident I would have a say when it comes time for all this to happen. I have it all mapped out. I get on board with Texas seceding from the union, rally all of you stupid Texans behind it, and become a champion of creating the new country of Texas. Then, riiiiight before it happens, I get the hell out of town. I can do my part to eliminate the state of Texas once and for all, and then sit back and watch the magic from inside the slightly smaller, but clearly better United States.
If there is anyone out there who doesn't think I am anxiously holding a pair of scissors to the bottom of the map of the US in anticipation, you are sorely mistaken. Personally, I can't think of somebody more qualified to be the president of Texas than Mr. Norris. Let's face it, he has the requisite douche-bag factor nailed down, and he rocks the appropriate headwear like few can.
John Adams declared that, "Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people." Yet we've bastardized the First Amendment, reinterpreted America's religious history and secularized our society until we ooze skepticism and circumvent religion on every level of public and private life.
Yes, Chuck, that's correct. Circumventing religion? Are you fucking kidding me? If by that you mean denying one set of religious views to dominate public policy and legislation, then, uhm, yeah. In fact, fuck yeah. The link provided in his quotation goes to a site that makes my fucking skin crawl. You all should read it:
This website is committed to uncover, prove, and explain how the whitewashing of America's Christian heritage is alive and well (in addition to offering my audio message series for free below). Our hope and goal is that, by educating and mobilizing enough people across America, collectively we can restore and stop religious revisions everywhere, and help preserve our history for future generations.
I love how conservatives like to argue that because things aren't how they were in basically 1654, all hell has broken loose and we're all fucked. Whitewashing of America's Christian heritage? Fuck you, ignorant dumb shits who are so insecure with yourselves that you cling to a backasswards coping mechanism of exclusive and divisive ideologies.
You can have Texas, as long as we can export all of you closed-minded, unaccepting redneck jackasses to the great Republic of Texas after it's all said and done.
8 comments:
I grew up in Texas. They've been wanted to secede for as long as I can remember. And it's not all rednecks - sorry to burst your stereotypical bubble but it's rather diverse there. TX ain't going anywhere lol
Um, me no likey Chuck Norris.
Sad, I used to think he was kick-ass awesome, with his karate chops and whatnot. Now he's just a wannabe important person.
As a liberal resident of Austin, I would like to see Texas split into three or four states, but cecede from the union? Nope. And that's not going to happen anyway, so I'm not worried about it.
Chucky just needs to put himself back in the news again, and of course Rush and Bill-O will have him on so his name and income will be secure for a little while longer. And then he will be forever associated with the group of the biggest blowhards in early 21st century history.
What this really means is that you can relax while Norris sets things in motion for the eventual implosion. Hopefully on national TV.
The only positive thing Chuck Norris has ever brought to the world were the clips Conan O'Brien played from his Walker Texas Ranger show. And those were shown specifically to mock him.
By the way, when Texas secedes, can he take Florida with him too? This Bugs Bunny cartoon illustrates just how to do it.
http://i43.tinypic.com/a3cexh.jpg
Just wanted to throw out there that as a born and raised Texan I threw up in my mouth a little when I read an article about this very thing a few days ago, and then laughed hysterically because its the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I'm pretty sure my family heard me all the way in Texas, and I'm living in Spain. I have a feeling that if either of these two things did ever actually happen most people would leave and Mexico would just reclaim it. That, and you need a better city or something. Or at least a better part of the city if you're in a big one...and most likely some new friends. You're a funny guy, shouldn't be hard, and Texans love sarcastic assholes, no offense :)
In Canada, we have Quebec and the Separatists. Not my favorite band.
I don't mind if they really want to leave, but the land belongs to us. It will never be France, if they want France, they go to France. Tuck any other 2 ass-holes you see under each arm and Fucking swim there for all I care. Touchy subject around here, sorry.
Am I the only one who gets a warm fuzzy feeling inside when neo/pseudo-conservative fascists pepper their ostensibly incendiary rhetoric with blatant grammatical and stylistic errors? I had to restrain myself from marking all over my monitor with a red pen when I read that website. On the other hand, Chuck Norris reportedly can divide by zero, so I hesitate to disagree with him.
I like the sound of your plan.
Reminds me of all the fuss that keeps happening where I live in the UK. The county I'm from has a similar "We want to be our own country" thing going on. It'll never happen though. We're tiny. Of course we could become like Monaco, but with slightly cooler weather and less attractive locals.
You have to admit though, all it would take to fix America is a round-house kick to the face.
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